Ashlee's Facts of Life

Most marital problems (and frankly, problems with any type of relationship) are usually caused because of bad communication. People disagree and have arguments all the time. That is normal. You cannot expect someone to have the exact same views as you have. Everyone was raise in different families with different beliefs and standards. So it is normal for someone to think differently. But what is not appropriate is how people communicate in those arguments. It is never appropriate to yell at someone or control the conversation. It is never appropriate to always make the other person the bad guy. It is never appropriate to degrade or insult the other person. These things do not create an environment in which communication can take place. We all know that couple that has intense and ineffective fights. Some of you reading this might be thinking that maybe you do this when you are in an argument. Does yelling or blaming or degrading your spouse fix the problem? Or does it just cover it ...

Tragedy is something that we cannot avoid in life. It happens sometimes more to one person than the other but it will still affect everyone in some kind of way. The way to help a family under a severe amount of stress is learning how to cope with those tragedies. But what is coping to you? Coping is not merely surviving. Coping is not merely going through the motions of your life and getting things done. It is more than just getting by. Coping is making those adjustments that allow you to do more than just survive but to help you function and rebuild yourself to be happy again. Now the definition of tragedy is different for everyone. Dictionary.com states that "tragedy is a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster." So for one family tragedy could be a death in the family or a divorce between parents. For others, tragedy could be the loss or destruction of a home. I personally know a single woman whom lives alone with her dog. Her dog had to be put...

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word intimacy ? From what I hear, many people will first think of sex. This is true. Having sex is a way of being intimate. But we all know that not everyone has sex that is intimate. All of us know at least one couple that makes a joke about their sexual relationship. They make sexual jokes, share details about their sexual experiences, and make it a competition between friends for who gets to do it more. Let me just be frank with those people. That does not make your relationship intimate. That does not make sex more fun or more enjoyable. It destroys the sanctity and specialness of sex. If you do that to your relationship, your sexual experiences will be meaningless and superficial. Do you want to make sex more enjoyable and special? Do you want to have this deep connection with your partner? Do you want to be more satisfied with your sexual experiences? We need to first remember that intimacy isn't just having se...

I believe that communication is key to creating a beautiful relationship. I have seen many situations, in my marriage and in other’s relationships, that communicating badly or not communicating at all causes contention and unnecessary arguments. It starts when you are dating (courting) and getting engaged. There are certain things that are important to talk about before getting marriage. One of the major topics, I believe, is creating a budget together. It is crucial to talk about your income, your bills, and where your money is going. I promise you. If you and your spouse are not on the same page about where your funds go, you WILL have problems in your marriage. Financial contention in a relationship is the cause of a huge percentage of divorces. And this does not mean that money is everything. But in reality you do need money to survive. You NEED to decide, and agree on, TOGETHER where your money is going. And I can promise you, with the highest confidence, that you ...