Increasing Intimacy in your Marriage
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word intimacy? From what I hear, many people will first think of sex. This is true. Having sex is a way of being intimate. But we all know that not everyone has sex that is intimate. All of us know at least one couple that makes a joke about their sexual relationship. They make sexual jokes, share details about their sexual experiences, and make it a competition between friends for who gets to do it more. Let me just be frank with those people. That does not make your relationship intimate. That does not make sex more fun or more enjoyable. It destroys the sanctity and specialness of sex. If you do that to your relationship, your sexual experiences will be meaningless and superficial.
Do you want to make sex more enjoyable and special? Do you want to have this deep connection with your partner? Do you want to be more satisfied with your sexual experiences?
We need to first remember that intimacy isn't just having sex. Intimacy is the special connection you create with your spouse. It is the good feeling you get when you have a deep and emotional conversation together. It comes from communication. Communicating to our spouse our needs, desires, goals, dreams, and also our worries and frustrations will create intimacy in your relationship. It creates a "knowing" of who each other are. It helps us to know how to help each other in life and also in the bedroom. Patience and forgiveness are also vital in creating strong intimacy in your relationship. Patience and trust will diminish frustration with and anger toward each other. Intimacy also starts with trust, commitment, and love for one another. When you first have that trust, commitment and love, then sex will be intimate.
Another way to make your sexual experiences more special is to communicate about your sexual needs. Your spouse obviously wants to please you and make you feel good. But they will not know what you want if you don't tell them. In order to make sex more enjoyable and special you need to let each other know the things you like and don't like. And things that get you closer to those high points. Talking about how frequently you want to do it and what actions you are comfortable with doing together. Those intimate conversations bring us closer together emotionally first, then sexually. Those conversations simply make sex better. They make sex better because we know what the other person likes. But also because we feel heard, we trust each other more, and we feel more connected.
Throughout my studies I have learned that misunderstanding can also be detrimental to a healthy sexual relationship. Many women say, "He comes home from work and doesn't care about hearing about my day. He just comes home and uses me for sexual pleasure." What a lot of women don't know is that a lot of those men work all day long missing their wives. They come home and see her and want to reconnect with her. And a sweet way of reconnecting is to have sex. But a lot of those women stay at home missing their husbands and want to reconnect too. Their way of reconnecting is talking about their day. Neither person here is selfish or using the other for selfish reasons. They are simply misunderstanding what the other person is wanting and thinking. This is another situation where COMMUNICATION would have avoided contention.
I know most of you are probably thinking, "Why does this 22 year old who has only been married 10 months trying to give us advice on how to have better relationships!?" I simply want to share my successes and help other to have ideas on how to better their relationships. I am, in no way, perfect. I just want everyone to experience happiness in their relationships.
Do you want to make sex more enjoyable and special? Do you want to have this deep connection with your partner? Do you want to be more satisfied with your sexual experiences?
Another way to make your sexual experiences more special is to communicate about your sexual needs. Your spouse obviously wants to please you and make you feel good. But they will not know what you want if you don't tell them. In order to make sex more enjoyable and special you need to let each other know the things you like and don't like. And things that get you closer to those high points. Talking about how frequently you want to do it and what actions you are comfortable with doing together. Those intimate conversations bring us closer together emotionally first, then sexually. Those conversations simply make sex better. They make sex better because we know what the other person likes. But also because we feel heard, we trust each other more, and we feel more connected.
Throughout my studies I have learned that misunderstanding can also be detrimental to a healthy sexual relationship. Many women say, "He comes home from work and doesn't care about hearing about my day. He just comes home and uses me for sexual pleasure." What a lot of women don't know is that a lot of those men work all day long missing their wives. They come home and see her and want to reconnect with her. And a sweet way of reconnecting is to have sex. But a lot of those women stay at home missing their husbands and want to reconnect too. Their way of reconnecting is talking about their day. Neither person here is selfish or using the other for selfish reasons. They are simply misunderstanding what the other person is wanting and thinking. This is another situation where COMMUNICATION would have avoided contention.
I know most of you are probably thinking, "Why does this 22 year old who has only been married 10 months trying to give us advice on how to have better relationships!?" I simply want to share my successes and help other to have ideas on how to better their relationships. I am, in no way, perfect. I just want everyone to experience happiness in their relationships.
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