Fatherhood

There has been controversy about whether or not a father is an important aspect of the family. Many would argue that men aren't as important. Men are not present and they don't make much of a difference in children's lives. Many would even say that men are "annoying accessories." But what a lot of people don't realize is how crucial it is to have the father present and influencing the children in the home. RN and BN Leah East and her colleges made a statement on the importance of fathers in the lives of their children, (1) "This special relationship can shape childhood development, influence values and be a predictor of both positive and negative psychological well-being." Children who grow up as delinquents, girls that grow up with skewed ideas of how a man should treat them, and even most of teen pregnancies are directly correlated with children who didn't have fathers present in the home. A father figure helps young women to feel appropriate love from a man. This love helps them to look for better options when dating and looking for a spouse. Young men who have a father present better learn how to control their aggressive tendencies. (2)Leah East and her colleagues also say that there is a difference between a father being absent because of death or illness and a father being absent because of commitment to work and personal relationships outside of the home. A father that is disconnected from the family because of relationships outside the home is more harmful to his children than if he were disconnected because of illness. (3)The article also states that the child does not need the biological mother and father to grow up psychologically stable. (4) East’s research also showed that children who grow up in a home that is headed by only a female typically have behavioral problems, poor performance academically, begin experimenting in sexual activity earlier in life, and are overall less psychologically stable. (5) Children without a father in the home also show signs of having lower self-esteem, have problems with self-identity, and have problems in personal relationships.

I think back to the relationship that I had with my own father when I was growing up. Now that I am an adult I have a really good relationship with my father. But as a teenager and child we weren’t as close. I didn’t like him because he was the rule enforcer. When mom was frustrated with us she would call him in to punish us. There was even a point in time where my dad had to work out of state. He was gone for 2 weeks at a time. And as an immature teenager I really enjoyed it because no one was around to tell me no. I became more rebellious and I would break rules that I never would have broken had my father been there to stop me. Looking back I can see how my most rebellious years were worse possibly because my father wasn’t around as much as he had been before. After that year and a half ended and our family was all-together again things changed. I stopped rebelling so much and I even dated guys that were nicer to me. I can see how important it is to have a father in the home.

My husband and I have talked about how we want to raise our children. My husband and I know that it is important that he works so that I can be home with the children. But he also understands how incredibly important it is that he is present and influential in their lives. We want to make our children the priority in our lives. Money is important for bills but it is not ok to let it get in the way of being there for our children. I want my husband to be that dad that teaches our kids how to work on the car and how to play soccer and what not. I want him to teach our boys how to respect women. And I want our little girls to learn their great worth. Our little girls will know how they should be treated and demand that respect from the guys they date in the future. Obviously we wont have the perfect family. But if we strive for perfection we will at least fall within the healthy and happy categorization.

Resources: Father Absence and Adolescent Development: A Review of the Literature
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1367493506067869